The date is August 1st, 2024. We have just signed a contract for a new kitchen.

I won’t name names, I don’t know anything about French libel laws, I will merely state they are a nation-wide chain.

Also, a wish is a dream the heart makes. That is a hint.

A summary of the kitchen shenanigans:
(as provided by the Kitchen Company)

Design Phase

There are four main components to the kitchen:

• The Brown Peninsula
• The Island
• The Bank du Piano Cuisine (oven stove thing)
• The Bank of de L’évier (sink thing)

The Brown Peninsula

This serves as a division between the living room and the kitchen. It has cabinets on both sides. Tools, Games, household stuff on one side, Kitchen stuff on the other.

→ It was designed 10 cm too wide. This affects other things.

The Island

The plans for the placement of the island to be centered between included a 10cm gap that the Brown Peninsula was meant to provide, but being that the Brown Peninsula is 10cm too wide, that gap cannot be provided.

The builders went according to the plans provided by the kitchen company, drilled a hole in the ceiling where the island ought to be, but the 10cm Brown Peninsula issue means centering the island is 5cm off.

Redrilling the hole is great except the escutcheon is not large enough to cover the misalignment, and the ceiling was freshly repainted, so repainting the whole ceiling to result in no visible seam would be necessary.

Additionally, the counter top has an overhand to accommodate some bar stools. There is a drawer under the overhang. The drawer, when fully open, allows for a 10cm gap to place your biggest, least used items like the 18 liter stewing pot…

The Bank du Piano Cuisine

It was designed 10cm too short. This necessitated the placement of blank spaces. Note: Every cabinet is custom, we paid a premium to ensure we use all the space to good effect.

The Bank of de L’évier

This gem was designed 10cm too long. It protrudes too far into the living space. It does not line up with the end of the Brown Peninsula, and if you substend a vertical line from the end of the counter, it intersects the electrical controls for kitchen lights and electric shutter operation. Thus the backsplash has to have a cut out to accommodate the electrical controls.

Delivery and Install Phase I

The day of the delivery is now upon us. The fuckery of the demolition, the temporary counters I build are behind, and the contractors have come and gone, leaving a clean slate for the kitchen company to shit all over install th e new kitchen.

Corner Cabinet of the Brown Peninsula comes in powdered form. A new replacement must be ordered. It is just before Christmas, We are looking at about 7 weeks for the replacement.

Cabinet for the sink is 10cm too tall. They install the sink temporarily. They install the dishwasher, but the dishwasher likes to vomit water all over the floor at the drain. Installer claims it will be resolved when he installs the proper sink cabinet.

Delivery and Install Phase II

New Brown Peninsula cabinet arrives.
New sink cabinet arrives in powdered form.
We are 5 weeks away from resolution on new cabinet.

Delivery and Install Phase IIIa
(Near Present day)
Sink cabinet arrived 3 weeks ago. No call to confirm. It did come in non-powdered form.
The installer called on Monday, week before last, to let us know he will call Tuesday morning to let us know what time he will come in that day.
He calls. Thursday o’clock is the install time.

Thursday comes.
Sink cabinet is too short by 7cm, putting the top of the sink 3cm below the counter top. He runs back to the shop to gather taller feet. Sink is at correct height, but there is now too little space to allow for the sliding shelf module under the sink, and there is no reasonable resolution for the kickboards having a 7cm gap between the top of the kickboard and the bottom of the cabinet.

And the doors, which he somehow didn’t bring, would be awkwardly too short, not reaching the the same height as the bottom of every door and drawer in the kitchen…

When he discovered the too short cabinet, he called out to my wife…
I have good news and bad news. The cabinet is too short, but I have tall legs at the shop… My wife literally laughed out loud.

She put her foot down and said no. We need the cabinet we ordered.

He gets the sink temporarily installed so we can use it, installs the dishwasher drain line, turns it on to test it and goes to lunch…

Dear friends I bet you can formulate the fucker in your minds. My last post detailed this well, but I diagnosed the problem to a paper towel in the drain line the contractors installed

Additionally… the installer has a plan for the Island Drawer situation.

He removes the face of the Island Drawer, leaves the kitchen sink without doors, and plans to return the next week(last week).

Last week comes and goes, no installer.
My wife sends and email.

We get a text Tuesday that he will be here Wednesday.

Phase IIIb
We have short doors on the temporary cabinet.
We have an awkward gap below the cabinet and the kickboard.

We have a delivery of late March for the new cabinet.