The Measurement saga

on August 1st, 2024, we contracted a prominent manufacturer of kitchens to design and install our kitchen.

There are 3 walls and an Island.

Wall 1 is a counter surface with drawers on either side. It was built 10 cm too wide. (If you don’t know 10 cm, you live in Liberia, Myanmar or ‘Murica. Get a book and catch up. )

Wall 2 is the main counter along with the really nice stove. It was made 10 cm too short.

Wall 3 is the wall with the sink, centered nicely below the window. It is 10 cm too long, and does not match the extension into the living room of the other elements in the space.

The island is meant to sit evenly between the elements of wall 1 and wall 3. The light fixture was installed by nearly flawless construction people. Their blueprints were off by… you guessed it, 10 cm. This 10 cm cannot be absorbed by the elements of wall 1, because wall 1 is too wide by 10 cm.

The end result is things are a little off, wall 1 is extending out awkwardly, the island isn’t centered, and wall 2 has spacers in the cabinets to make things fit.

Oh, I nearly forgot, the cabinet that supports the sink is … drumroll please… 10 cm too tall. The shorter French people in the country would need a stepstool to see the drain.

Fuckery with a side of misery

The person at the kitchen place recommended a cabinet for the island, for the area under the overhand of the island where there are meant to be two stools. The drawer opens about 40 cm. The overhand is 30 cm.

There is supposed to be a hinged door to rectify this situation. Awaiting with bated breath.

The cabinetry saga part 1

When we took delivery of the cabinets, one was damaged. By damaged, I mean it was pulverized. This left wall one incomplete.

A replacement for the damaged cabinet was ordered, as well as a replacement for the sink cabinet.

The Vent Hood and the fuckery of French Logistics

With wall 2 “finished” we can install the backsplash tile. We buy a wet saw (we sold ours from the states) and get to it. We can’t do the fake stone until the vent hood is installed.

The vent hood was ordered. It arrived. The manufacturers website was wrong. It listed the unit as a wall mount, but it was in fact a ceiling hung unit for stoves that are in the middle of the an island…cool.

A new unit was ordered, it was stuck in limbo for a fucking month. It was ordered from a vendor represented on a large retailer’s website, but not supplied by the retailer. At the risk of a libel suit, I will simply state that if I eat too much beans and cabbage, I might be a little farty.

The fun bit is that we cannot return the missing vent hood without a restocking fee, until the vent hood shows up… somewhere.

After somewhere around 85 phone calls, the vent hood shows up at the warehouse. We cancel the order, no stocking fee and foolishly order a replacement from them. It shows up less than a week later.

With the vent hood up, we can do the fake stone. It is lovely.

Cabinet clusterfuckery Part deux

The replacement for the damaged cabinet shows up.
The replacement for the sink is pulverized.
A replacement cabinet is ordered.

The Dishwasher Drain and the Labyrinth of Mystery

Somewhere in this ordeal, we tried to run the dishwasher. It vomited water all over the place. The cabinet installer says that the plumbing done by the contractors was built incorrectly. When he (finally) installs the sink in its forever position he will address it. Until then kindly do not use the diswasher.

6 weeks later (say that like the narrator of Sponge Bob Square Pants)

The new cabinet for the sink is here.
It arrived last week.
The installed called us Monday to say that he will come on Tuesday to install it. He will call Tuesday Morning. To firm up a time.

Tuesday comes. He calls. He is coming at Thursday o’clock.

Thursday o’clock is here. It is just past noon.

Cabinet clusterfuckery part troi

The new cabinet is here. It is 7 cm too short. The edge of the sink now sits below the level of the counter top. He is going back to the shop to get some tall legs to make it “good”.

Mais no says my wife, we paid good money for a cabinet, we are going to get the cabinet we ordered. None the less, he has has to get a few things:

The Legs to raise it (temporarily) to the correct height.
The doors so that it will cover the contents like detergents and other fluids.
The hinges that did not come with the cabinet and that he does not have, as it turn out, at the shop.

The Dishwasher Drain and the Labyrinth of Mystery part deux

While the installer is at the shop getting the hinges that aren’t at the shop, he runs the overflowing dishwasher. As if on command, I wake up from a nap to find the the dishwasher draining, overfilling and spilling.

I grab the drain hose, throw the window open and adjust the torrent of hot water outside, my wife turns off the machine, the hideously loud moisture alarm I installed is losing its fucking mind.

We slide the too short cabinet away from its temporary resting place, throw a towel in there to sop up the water, and I go into diagnostician mode.

So there is a popme a chalor that used to drain into a mystery location. The contractors plumbed this into a “Y” joint after the feed from the dishwasher. Our cabinet installer claims that the tube from the pompe a chalor is blocking the drain.

I look straight down the drain that is meant to be plumbed to the sink and there is no evidence of this.

Being of a curious nature, I have my wife run the dishwasher again, hand on the power switch, while I take video of the situation down the drain to see what is happening.

Lo and behold, water is not even making it as far as the train line, it is hung up in the U-bend some how. There is a drain on the bottom of the U-Bend. I open it up. A paper towel schlops out.

Schlop

Today

The sink is at the right height, in a cabinet that looks like hot garbage since the bottom of the cabinet is like 25 cm above the floor. This is a feature, we will stash of drugs we will need to get over this in that compartment.

Except we can’t there are no doors on the sink.

The face is off the 40 cm deep misery drawer. Plus side is we can get into it.

The dishwasher now runs correctly (special thanks to me, myself and I).

I just found a fiber washer in the drain of the sink. I have no idea where it goes.

Tomorrow

The cabinet manufacturer is on like a 5 week delivery cycle.
There is no sense of urgency.
If indeed the cabinets are installed in 5 weeks time, we will be into this ordeal for exactly 1/2 of a year.
That represents almost 1% of my life waiting for this.
1%

The installer will be back in the next few days to put doors back up.

The disposition of the company has been the opposite of apologetic. in fact the designer of the kitchen was like “this is so stressful on us. My boss was so angry when the broken cabinet came in, etc.”

We did a test of the drain.

This is what I saw:

This is what my wife saw:

Yay

This was meant to be the next to final installment of this saga.

Mais non