We are moving to France

Actually we made it in April of 2023

That Floaty Feeling

—

by

blueeyedpop
in

(Again)

(me wrestling with floaty feelings)

Yeah, I’ve probably talked about this floaty feeling way too much, but I think I finally have a good handle on what is going on, or at least part of what is going on… Or I don’t and I’ll be whinging about this again in the future…

When I retired, I wasn’t expecting to.

I have worked in or been exposed to the cinema business for all my life. I worked at Panavision for 7 years in the 2000’s, and again at the end of the Covid Crisis for another year.

When I gave notice at Panavision, I told them that I was moving to France, and that I very much wanted to continue consulting for them. I had already been working remotely with a division of theirs, and there was a massively cool project that I started, and wanted to continue helping with.

Hollywood is rife with strikes. It has affected my family and I on several occasions, so it was no actual surprise (in retrospect) that the strikes that were taking place when I gave notice would affect me again.

Long story short, to this day Hollywood is suffering. It is no surprise that Panavision opted not to continue working with me.

Passion

I have heard the advice that you should do for a living something that you love. I think that is terrible advice. You should do what you can for 40 hours a week and reserve doing what you love for yourself.

Don’t sell your passion. Corporate ‘Murica doesn’t deserve it. They won’t pay you enough for it, and they won’t ever understand its true value. There are much more deserving outlets for your passion.

At the end of the day, what I did for a living was, in HR speak, a Creative Technologist. “Mad Inventor” also works.

I invent things, I am a problem solver, a maker, a builder. I have literally been on this trajectory since I was a kid, and I am still on this trajectory today. My happy place is doing these things.

But these things are expensive. I worked in non-cinema R&D for 16 years. I would often sit in front of tens of thousands of dollars worth of stuff, tear into it and design and make something new. I worked on projects where I would digest $20k worth of stuff…A day…for weeks on end.

The sheer volume of material I went through, let alone the cost, is untenable in my current life. Even if I had a giant chateau and 10’s of millions in the bank, I am not sure it would be rewarding. The time pressure, the task, the driving force would be absent as well.

The Joneses

I am an addict. I am jonesing for a fix. I am in withdrawal, and there is precious little I can do about it.

I get my fix in small measures. I have CAD software, a 3D printer, and I make silly little things. I fix things around the house, and often those fixes call on my CAD and printing skills.

In my old life I was doing the pure stuff. Stuff straight off the cigar boat from Columbia, now I am in the gutter, begging for money so I can get my talc laced fix.

What brought on this realization was a discussion I had with someone at a tech company. I was trolling for work and found not only a listening ear, but someone with whom I resonated.

He wants to connect me with interesting people and companies that would possibly be able to use my talents. When I got off the phone I was energized.
Like a dealerless junkie that found a new supplier.

Realistically I need to get off the “the stuff.” I need to stop riding the dragon and find other ways to find fulfillment. And in truth, I am working on that.

I have been doing a lot of writing. Professionally and of course personally with things like this blog.

I am trying to help the local makerspace. My goal is to learn enough French so that I can help teach the next generation to be tech junkies. Teach kids how to design things in cad, cut them out on the laser cutter, or print them on a 3D printer. Tech them how to write software, things like that, but in this I am a long way away.

BANG

I think the suddenness of it all was something of a contributor. I came to France expecting to work, and landed in my new life without that possibility.

I am still here, grasping at shadows, chasing echoes, but not finding a tangible slice of pie or piece of work that was meant to be here for me.

France
At least this isn’t a France thing. That would utterly suck. Imagine; Hey Mike, here is your new country that sucks.

That would suck.

France is pretty. The leaves are falling from trees right now. It is pretty. The valleys are filled with mists and the ground is frosty in the mornings sometimes. That is pretty too.

So, yeah…

Hey you!
Come here buddy.
So listen, if you need a guy that can do creative technology, I can totally hook you up.

Comments

4 responses to “That Floaty Feeling”

  1. LAUREN SHINER Avatar
    LAUREN SHINER

    Poignant.

    I discovered I was a mad scientist after I bought this house and had no idea how to do any kind of manual work after a life as a business consultant. What happened to me was that the tech bubble burst and 9/11 wiped out all my income sources. All those contractors I was going to hire? I guess we’re going to go in another direction.

    After doing the easy things like replacing appliances and tearing out oil stained carpeting, the first tool I rented was a jackhammer. It was a small jackhammer. I was using it to pull up the carpet strips that word nailed into terrazzo around the borders of all the rooms…. Stop laughing!

    Over time I learned to accept that things would have to be redone and some damage could never be repaired well enough to not bug me every day for the next 24 years. But when you’re making a bunch of mistakes on a regular basis, acceptance becomes a good friend.

    While I decided what I was going to do with the second half of my career, I decided to take my newfound knowledge and become HandyMandy, and did little DIY jobs that other people could have done for themselves, but didn’t want to. I had learned to really love the challenges and got addicted to the sense of accomplishment. It also helped me to nail down what I wanted to do next and that was something that I loved, art and flowers and DIY. I became a landscape architect. So apparently I did the opposite of you. I did the traditional path first and then I did the thing that I loved. The difference is that I had enough money in the bank to tell some clients to f*** off when they got on my nerves.

    As for retirement, that’s an entirely new adventure and you’re halfway there if it involves retiring in France.

    Have you considered going to the local town and offering classes? Between the translator and the fact that much DIY stuff is something that you can show someone, that makes it easier.

    Bon chance.

    Reply
  2. Patty Mullins Avatar
    Patty Mullins

    Transitions suck. Large or small – I’ll sit in the car for awhile after I get where I am going. When I unexpectedly went out on a medical leave I was sure I’d return to work. My body had other plans. I went through so many stages.

    Twelve years later I’ve mostly accepted my fate. I’ve never found a replacement for the challenges of a fast paced job where people relied on me to get shit done. Which brought satisfaction and dopamine.

    Now vacillating between feeling completely useless to feeling overwhelmed at the slightest challenge. I like the term floaty feeling. I’m so sorry you’re needing to process that though. It gets rough.

    Reply
  3. Page H Avatar
    Page H

    I worked in the film industry during my twenties into early thirties, so I completely understand that adrenaline rush which is like nothing else. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was urgently learning valuable skills that are hard to come by in other careers for a young dreamer with a major in writing. I then became a Landscape Architect like the person above (hmmm interesting) because it gave me a related sense of satisfaction one gets from building something from nothing, which worked until we moved from California to Montana during the recession, and then turned to teaching since people weren’t spending money on what was considered a frivolity in a snowy climate at the time.

    Now I sell real estate, and that has apparently begun to run its course, so I’ve been learning to slow down and move away from the fix you so aptly described, but it is haaaaard. I found your blog days after returning from a trip to Thailand which turned me upside down and has accelerated my desire for another drastic life change, which is but another form of adrenaline for me. But I just turned sixty, and that rush has consequences it didn’t before, so I admire your quest to let it go. We are planning a move to France in two years, and Ive been wondering if it’s really the right choice or just another mountain I feel I must conquer. That’s the thing though, not knowing the outcome is always part of the excitement right?

    Reply
    1. blueeyedpop Avatar
      blueeyedpop

      I can’t recommend France highly enough.

      The natural beauty is stunning, and the ancient culture is pretty special too.

      Reply

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